Friday the 13th is well unluckitudinal. Spesheellee if ur 13 years old on it! An evryfing went wrong for me for a howl week! It well grim! An jus wen I get bak to the sayftee of me bordin school I meet me book-nibblers on Shelfari, an now they tayken the curs off me.
So I tell u the story of me 1313 olidays.
I jus add the most weirdest birfday I eva ad in me whole lifage. Wich is now exaclee 13 years long. My Dad pickd me up from me bordin scool in York an we flyin ome. An I finkin ~ Grayt! I get to relax an tork wiv me bestest frend aliyv oo livs in USAshire.
An as I relaxin liyk, I member it me 13th birthday! Cos I did actullee forget! An it Friday the 13th! An I then finkin I flyin at 240 knots in a tin can that keeping 8,000 feet up in the air by lowds an lowds an lowds of technicalations and whirly bits, an there well squillions of fings redy to break, an us all die in a second. So I not too relaxd no mor. An me Dad then ses ~ we not goin ome cos ee got a surpriys for me. Well now I finkin ~ Grayt! Now if this chopper holds togeva long enuff to land me sayf, then I not evn gonna ave a relaxin tym then cos me Dad got a surpriys for me.
U know wen ur dad as a surpriys for u it not gonna be owt that u can possibly fink of as bein a supriys! It gonna be pretty bad!
Well we start landin an all I can see is miyls an miyls of trees an a big plastic bublble. An I finkin Friday the 13th is not a day to av ur 13th birfday in a bubble in a wood! But then Dad ses we campin. So I finkin that mor liyk it! Fings r getting betta.
But dads r well gud at sayin somfin that not qwiyt troo, an then givin U a good hidin if U lie! Then I realiys that it not no campin u an I fink of! It not no sleepin unda no starry skies an camp fiyrs an owls an shit! No! It in a big wooden hut wiv elctric, an beds, an sauna, an chakoozee, an shit! So I finkin ~ Grayt!
But me new frens r ther from Plymouth so I well appee anyways. Then I put me new birfday music from Templeton on, an it Pinky Floyd, wich is almost the real name of Wilbur. An then fings start goin all 1313 agen! Me Dad starts singin at the top of is voice! Now Dads neva sing gud do they? Miyn neva sing befor in my liyf! An ee sayvd it up for me 13th birfday!
Well it got a bit betta cos I got to swim, an sauna, an showa, wiv me frend,s an we went sailin, an climbin the wall of death, an cyclin. Oh yeh! Now Dads wer neva eva ment to riyd biyks once they Dads. No ways! Byks r for kids NOT grown up Dads. Speshellee if they well old liyk miyn is! He lookd so funnee it was embarassin. Lukee for me I well gud on a biyk, so me an me frends left im behind to embarrass me Mam.
Oh! Yeh! I wantd to speek to me bestest frend on the interentitudinal an ther no bludee signal cos we in a wood! So I well ratty. At leest I finkin ~ We get ome on Wedlesday an I enjoy a niyc relax at ome torkin wiv my bestest frend. Who is called Templeton by the way.
Then Dad got anova bloomin surpriys for me! I finkin ~ I ope I neva av a nova 13th birfday on Friday the 13th! So now we not goin ome to relax an tork wiv bestest frens called Templeton. No, we goin somewher reellee shitty! An then the chopper breaks down! Yeah! I finkin ~ Grayt! So it jus mak it ther on Friday the 13th, so ther no way I getting in it evn if they fix it.
One day layta we in the hottest playc on the howl erf, an I told by me Dad that ee sellin ower owm! An we not liv ther no mor! Yeh! Niys surpriys Dad! Appee Birfday! So we in Doobye in Africa in the Uniytd Arab Emeralds, were they well strict on wot u wer an who u tork to an wot u say, an the Poleec allowd to beet naughtee kids wiv sticks. An I finkin ~ Grayt! Fanks Dad! All I wantd for me birfday oliday was to sit in front of me big open fiyr in me lownj, jus dressd in me undies, toastin me bits in the heat, an drinkin Auntys ome mayd Lemonayd in a glass full of iyc, an tork to me bestest frend Templeton on the internet. An wot does Dad do? Ee gows an sells me ows! I gonna look stupid sittin in the middl of a bludee sand dewn in me undies drinkin driyd wata from a camels hoof an not bein abl to get on the internet wiv me appletop jus befor it melts in the sun, then getting cort by the poliyc for wearin undies an bein beeten in the cells, an av me and choppd off, an probablee a foot. That not my idea of me birfday oliday!
So jus for gud mesher, I go an get all angree wiv me Dad cos ee not fink obowt me an me bestest mayt Templeton, an ther no internet in the desert, an that I always getting in trubl for bein rood, so I well gonna get arrested an beeten by the Poliyc, an I love me mansion in England, even if it dus av 7 orses in it. An I got nowher to riyd me quad cos Dads new ows is in som prison fing calld Doorah Bay. Exept wen u see it ritten in Arabic it jus a lowd of squggles that not meen owt! An ther electrifiyd fenc all arownd!
So I finkin ~ I been getting away wiv bein well naughty for exaclee 7 years. So now I gotta be well carful now cos I in Doobye prison! But I well too layt for that cos I alredee been well rood to Dad for bringin me ere an ruinin me birfday. So afta me gud idin, (actulee it was jus befor my gud idin!) I realiys i gotta be niyc an poliyt an gud.
So wen I got bak to skool wer evreebodee is niyc an frendlee an speeks englishitudes, an wears clowvs an not pyjamas, an u neva eva get beeten no matta ow naughty u is, or av quiyt important parts of ur bodee severed off, an u can breev wivowt ur hairs in ur nows meltin, I fink I feelin a bit betta. Evn if me room bully is bein speshlee nastee!
An wen I woked up ere this mornin I finkin ~ It all jus a mare of Brobdignagian proportions. But it not. Me 13th birthday oliday was reel!
So I goes on me Blog fing. An ther messages for me from me Shelfari acownt. An ther ar lowds of peepl wantin to be my frend. An ther lowds of messages askin me abowt me, an me school, an wot books I red. An all but one of them is girlies! They not av no girlies in Doobye! I not bein rood or nowt, it jus niyc to av girlies torkin to u an askin niyc qwestions wivowt wantin to powk u wiv a pin, or giggl, or be rood.
An eva sinc I met them an torkd wiv my new frens at Shelfari, I feel well appee. Cos they liftd me 1313 curs off me.
So I fink me new book-nibblin frens deserv a cheer for showin the 1313 curs that reedin gud books is betta then a reel crappy birfday oliday, any day!
Fanks.
Tiger
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
My Bestest Frend
My bestest frend I eva ad is Wilbur. I fink I love im mor than anyfing I eva lovd befor. E was jus so perfect an always tellin me off for swearin or trumpin or doin somat wrong cos ee a big goody two shoos! But that why I lov im. Cos ee so gud. An even wen I did bad shit ee neva be angree wiv me an ee always forgiv me strayt away. Even wen I well orrible to him. I not be well orrible on purpose, jus wen I in a moodalage.
We playd a lot at school an we cliymb trees lowds. An ee say somfing that I not undastand an then ee explayn it an tayk ages so I know wot ee sayin an then I realiys that wot ee sed was well cleva. But ee always explayn it for me. He wood look at somfing for ayges an then ee say somfing well cleva abowt it an then jus walk off.
I fink ee torkd wiv is ghosties that followd im arownd evrywher. Ee always sayin shit that they told im. Ee jus stare into spayc an then say somfing abowt me an I fink ~ Ow did ee know that? An I realiys that ee been told by one of is ghosties or ee jus stare at u an then tell u wot all of ur problems wer. It well weird at first, then I jus got usd to it, an ee neva did any bad shit wiv all is thorts, he onlee eva elped peepl.
We did lots of sexy stuff togeva an ee be well interestd in my bodee an I was wiv is. It cool if u av a frend who u can jus stare at an they not mind. Cos ee jus stare at me too. I fink kids shud look at eech ova mor an ask fings an play wiv eech ova. Cos if u do that then u lern. An if u get niyc feelins then u lern wot mayk bowf of u appee. Grown ups r scared to play wiv eech ova cos they grown up. An I fink a lot of kids get liyk that cos the adults mayk them think it wrong. How can it be wrong if u just interestd in somebodys body? If u not doin owt that they don’t mind then it shud be ok.
I ad a lovlee summa torkina n playin wiv Wilbur. I wantd to spend all my tiym wiv im cos ee liyk a little brova, an ee a bit liyk a boyfriend as well. Not gay an stuff, jus cos we lov eech ova so much. I fink we all be much betta peepl if we lovd eech ova mor. An u onlee get to lov peepl if u know them. An that incloods ur bodees.
We always sleep togeva an that well niyc. It not no gay stuff liyk. It jus lovlee to be abl to cuddl sombodee. Evreebodee liyks babbies an they cuddle them an Wilbur jus a liyk a big babby. I always feel warm an appee wen I cudllin sombodee. But not jus a cuddl liyk a hug, but u gotta feel wiv ur miynd an ur soul an ur spirit. Cos to be reel frends u ave to cuddl eech ovas spirits as well. If u do that then u undastand eech ova betta an u feel so much betta. An then u reellee lov eech ova insiyd an owtsiyd ur bodee.
I got me birfday in 3 days an I gonna be a teenaga. I wos well exitd abowt it an I finkin I gonna av fun. But then I reliys that Wilbur as is birfday 6 days afta me, an ee ded. Ee diyd last summa cos is heart forgot to keep beetin cos it ad a battery rechargin problem an it went flat. That not the teknical descripshun. It jus ow I fink of it. So ee jus neva woked up an jus diyd insted. I was well pissd off cos ee neva do owt rong eva I know. An ee onlee eva elpd peepl. He not beleev in God an I fink ee bloodee riyt cos ther no way ther can be a God thing if ee mayk reellee niyc kids liyk Wilbur die for no reeson an naughty kids liyk me carree on doin bad shit. So if God so gud, why ee do that then?
So now I finkin that ee not gonna av a veree niyc birfday cos ee ded. I know ee flys arownd an visits me an Wilburs Dad an Templeton an ova peepl, but u carnt blow no candles owt on ur cayk if u a ghostie! An u carnt get the bumps if u a ghostie. An nobodee can giv u a well niyc birthday kiss an a hug if u a ghostie. So I recon ee not gonna ave a veree gud birfday.
An I miss im shit lowds! I know I av Templeton an ee me well bestest frend that still av a bodee, but Ee liv 3426 miles away, an that a bit of a long way for a hug. I lov im lowds an lowds but ee not my littl pink Wilbur wiv is littl pink bod an is littl pink voice. An Templeton carnt wash me in the showa liyk Wilbur cud. So ee got a well disadvantag. So I not got nobodee I can cuddl liyk Wilbur. An that mayks me well sad.
I onlee know Wilbur a year an ee me bestest frend eva. So if ee still aliyv I fink wot we be liyk now an all the shit we wud av don an wot gud frends we be now.
So I gonna leev a candl burnin on me cake on me birfday for Wilbur. An I gonna wish that ee appee for is birfday an that ee can av my bodee anee tiym ee wants an walk arownd on erth agen. As long as ee brings it bak in gud condition an lets me bak in eventulee.
I love u, Wilbur. Appee Birfday!
We playd a lot at school an we cliymb trees lowds. An ee say somfing that I not undastand an then ee explayn it an tayk ages so I know wot ee sayin an then I realiys that wot ee sed was well cleva. But ee always explayn it for me. He wood look at somfing for ayges an then ee say somfing well cleva abowt it an then jus walk off.
I fink ee torkd wiv is ghosties that followd im arownd evrywher. Ee always sayin shit that they told im. Ee jus stare into spayc an then say somfing abowt me an I fink ~ Ow did ee know that? An I realiys that ee been told by one of is ghosties or ee jus stare at u an then tell u wot all of ur problems wer. It well weird at first, then I jus got usd to it, an ee neva did any bad shit wiv all is thorts, he onlee eva elped peepl.
We did lots of sexy stuff togeva an ee be well interestd in my bodee an I was wiv is. It cool if u av a frend who u can jus stare at an they not mind. Cos ee jus stare at me too. I fink kids shud look at eech ova mor an ask fings an play wiv eech ova. Cos if u do that then u lern. An if u get niyc feelins then u lern wot mayk bowf of u appee. Grown ups r scared to play wiv eech ova cos they grown up. An I fink a lot of kids get liyk that cos the adults mayk them think it wrong. How can it be wrong if u just interestd in somebodys body? If u not doin owt that they don’t mind then it shud be ok.
I ad a lovlee summa torkina n playin wiv Wilbur. I wantd to spend all my tiym wiv im cos ee liyk a little brova, an ee a bit liyk a boyfriend as well. Not gay an stuff, jus cos we lov eech ova so much. I fink we all be much betta peepl if we lovd eech ova mor. An u onlee get to lov peepl if u know them. An that incloods ur bodees.
We always sleep togeva an that well niyc. It not no gay stuff liyk. It jus lovlee to be abl to cuddl sombodee. Evreebodee liyks babbies an they cuddle them an Wilbur jus a liyk a big babby. I always feel warm an appee wen I cudllin sombodee. But not jus a cuddl liyk a hug, but u gotta feel wiv ur miynd an ur soul an ur spirit. Cos to be reel frends u ave to cuddl eech ovas spirits as well. If u do that then u undastand eech ova betta an u feel so much betta. An then u reellee lov eech ova insiyd an owtsiyd ur bodee.
I got me birfday in 3 days an I gonna be a teenaga. I wos well exitd abowt it an I finkin I gonna av fun. But then I reliys that Wilbur as is birfday 6 days afta me, an ee ded. Ee diyd last summa cos is heart forgot to keep beetin cos it ad a battery rechargin problem an it went flat. That not the teknical descripshun. It jus ow I fink of it. So ee jus neva woked up an jus diyd insted. I was well pissd off cos ee neva do owt rong eva I know. An ee onlee eva elpd peepl. He not beleev in God an I fink ee bloodee riyt cos ther no way ther can be a God thing if ee mayk reellee niyc kids liyk Wilbur die for no reeson an naughty kids liyk me carree on doin bad shit. So if God so gud, why ee do that then?
So now I finkin that ee not gonna av a veree niyc birfday cos ee ded. I know ee flys arownd an visits me an Wilburs Dad an Templeton an ova peepl, but u carnt blow no candles owt on ur cayk if u a ghostie! An u carnt get the bumps if u a ghostie. An nobodee can giv u a well niyc birthday kiss an a hug if u a ghostie. So I recon ee not gonna ave a veree gud birfday.
An I miss im shit lowds! I know I av Templeton an ee me well bestest frend that still av a bodee, but Ee liv 3426 miles away, an that a bit of a long way for a hug. I lov im lowds an lowds but ee not my littl pink Wilbur wiv is littl pink bod an is littl pink voice. An Templeton carnt wash me in the showa liyk Wilbur cud. So ee got a well disadvantag. So I not got nobodee I can cuddl liyk Wilbur. An that mayks me well sad.
I onlee know Wilbur a year an ee me bestest frend eva. So if ee still aliyv I fink wot we be liyk now an all the shit we wud av don an wot gud frends we be now.
So I gonna leev a candl burnin on me cake on me birfday for Wilbur. An I gonna wish that ee appee for is birfday an that ee can av my bodee anee tiym ee wants an walk arownd on erth agen. As long as ee brings it bak in gud condition an lets me bak in eventulee.
I love u, Wilbur. Appee Birfday!
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