Frends, Bullees, Mad Siyentists, an the Internet

I am riytin this cos I a bit fed up wiv reel bullies, an cos I well liyk all my noo frends.

Wen I first caym to liv at my skool I arriyvd befor the ova kids cos I new. So I shown be bedroom no4, an I ad 4 beds to choos from. So I chows the won nex to the window. Now me first frend wos Mark. I can say is naym cos I fort ee a well niyc frend an ee neva stayd at a bordin skool befor eva. An I ad. An layta yoo see why ee not ere aneemoor.

So we shown arownd the skool wiv all the ova new kids an we ad a niyc tiym until the ova boys arriyvd. The two ova boys oo in room 4 wiv us wos Geoffrey oo the bully and Charles the fitness boy. As soon as Geoffrey the bullee caym in to the room ee well nastee to Mark an told im to moov is bed cos ee was sleepin in HIS bed. Ee not miyc or owt, or say “Excuse me, but there seems to be a mistayk.” Or any shit liyk that! No! He jus ses Mark betta moov his shit by the tiym Geoffrey come back or ther be trubl. An I fort ~ Hey! Robocop or wot?

So I not liyk Geoffrey riyt from the start an Mark not reellee liyk im eeva.

But Charles was well niyc. Ee was well into fitness stuff an gows runnin evree mornin befor I evn wayk up an ee well musculated an always got energee. But altho ee not actulee be a bully, ee sort of lets Geoffrey be won, an dusnt do too much to stop it. Wich I fink is neerlee as bad.

Cos wen I stand up for Mark and say that Geoffrey the bullee bein nastee, an it not fair, ee grabbd me privats an wos well nastee to me. An Charles the harfabullee, afta a bit, sed that Geoffrey shud tayk it eesee. And Geoffrey did. But Charles the harfabullee not reellee stop im.

An Geoffrey the bullee was well nastee to me an Mark for ayges. So I becaym well gud frends wiv Mark.

Wot I not know wos Mark wos liyk a dubl agent! An reellee e was cleverer then ee mayd owt an mayd me, an Geoffrey an som ova kid in skool, do som well nastee stuff, jus by pretendin ee my bestest frend evva; Wilbur.

So wiyl I bein well niyc to Mark an torkin to im, an elpin im wiv puter work, ee trikin me an gettin lowds of informayshun abowt the ova boys from me laptop. An Mark well not liyk the fact that me an the ova boys wer well appee sein eech ova nayked an shit, an we not fink ther nowt rong wiv that. But Mark fort it well dodjee. So ee manipulaytatoried us all to urt eech ova for him, by pretendin ee Wilbur’s ghostie on the internet. Wich was well cleva, but well, well nastee. An Templeton fink I wud av been killd evn, if somat not don abowt it all.

So wen it all got a bit well too nastee, me frend Templeton an Wilburs Dad sayvd my liyf, Mark got tayken away to I downt know wher, an me, an Geoffrey, an this ova kid got told we ad to be well gud or we get chukd owt of skoolage.

So now I got to still liv wiv a bullee, an a half bullee, but at leest the reel big bulleepretendintobemyfrend kid gon. An now I got a new boy in me room 4 called Henry.

Now Henry is definitytitywityfoolius a niys kid. An ee not no bully in disgiyz. But that meen that Geoffrey the bully tayk well advantaj of im an get im to do lowds of shit for im. But I jus try an elp im lowds an be niys all the tiym, an get im to do jus a few fings wiv us. Espeshullee cos is Mummy jus diyd in a car accidentitudination. So I well sorree for im.

An then I startd wiv me Shelfari accownt an ther lowds of well nicitrepidulants ther oo not bully me at all eva. Exep won oo sed that if I calld im a sertun niknaym agen ee smash me fayc in. But that ok, cos I shud av askd. But they all bein well niys. An I know they not jus pretendin [I know wot pretending means but if it ‘pre’ then it must be befor ‘tending’! So wot dus ‘Tending’ mean?] cos all me noo frends not got eneefing to gayn by jus pretendin they me frend.

Now I always bein told that u not be abl to trust nobodee on the internetalude. Cos yoo neva know wot they r. An yoo miyt fink they a well niys kid, who yor gud frend, an they end up bein a peapod oo wants to ave yor pants off u, an I know cos that append to me! But I finkin ~ Hang on a minit! Evreebodee sayin ow dangerousanation it is on the Intergalacticnettybetty but apart from my won mistayk [an that onlee cos I not follow the rools] ther not been nobodee oo be aneefin but a gud frend to me.

Now me actewel frends in reel liyf oo I actulee liv wiv, an I can see them an tuch them, they turn owt to be bullees and alf bullees an psychomainiacs trying to kill u. An that just the 3 that livd wiv me! An at the moment Geoffrey the bullee is being reellee reellee beestlee, an forcin me to do fings, an I rather haytin im a lot.

An all me frends I got now miyt be mad scientists or murderers or 95 year old peapods, but they jus me frends. An as long as I keep to the rools, then they always be me freends. [By the way, I not reellee fink they ar anyfin nastee, I jus maykin a point. Ok?]

So I say that u jus be niys to evreebodee an not nastee to non, an u follow all the rools the grownups mayk abowt bein sayf an I rekon yoor Internetination of frends ere r probablee the best u gonna get.