The Art of Raisin Kids

Now if u fink this is gonna be abowt how to bring up ur kids ~ u wrong! I a kid, so ow am I gonna know, reellee?

Raisin
This abowt summat that we play wen we waitin for a showa or if we gotta dry up in the kitchen. It is abowt battlin it owt wiv towels an tryin to catch ur enemys wiv a whip that u mayk from ur towel, wich is then calld ur Raisor. The act of a battle of whips is calld 'Raisin' in ower school.

How to Rais
It is best if u a beginna to start wiv a teatowel cos they easier to andle. Hold ur towel by a corna an let it ang down. Then u mayk a circula moshun wiv ur and so the towel spirals up an asa twist in it. This is ur Raisor. Now u stand liyk u meen bisness an the and wiv the towel in shud be facing the enemy so u side on. Then wiv a whipin motion of ur and towards ur enemy u flick the towel towards them an at the last minuit yank it bac an that puts the whip in the end. It tayks practic to get the distanc rite an the whip gud. If u manage to practis an the end of ur towel craks liyk a gun then u gonna well kill ur enemy oo will be beggin for mercy well qwick liyk.

How to do Battle
U can do battle anywher an u not av to ask permissun to fight. But mayk sur ur enemy is not absolutelee shit hot at it an u crap ur u likely to die very qwik. U can start a battle in the kitchen wen u waitin or in the showers. But I suggest u start ur first battle in the kitchen as u hav battle armour on an it easier wiv teatowels. Now u masterd the art of whippin ur Raisor now u can apply it to ur selectd enemy's body in a meen an nasty way. U best stand sideways on cos u mayk a smalla target an hav ur legs apart so u ave a chanc of jumpin owt the way if u see a rasor comin. The first person to whip someone els is the enemy an anyon can attak them if they want.

Rules of Death
U not to Raisor somebody who cries 'Mercy!'
If u cry Mercy then u giv in an u not allowd to whip anybody els in that battle cos u chickend owt an u givn in. If u do then evrybody allowd to attk u at once.
U allowd to Raisor anybody no matta ow small they r.
U gotta aim at the body, legs or bum an not the willie! If u it them in the willie they usulee die a painful an nasty death!
U not gotta it nobody anywher near the face or u liklee to get a sound punchin!
Ther r no limits to the numba of peeple attakin one enemy. As long as they do not cry Mercy!
U ave to stop if a member of staff turns up cos of the noise an say that u wer all doin noffin!
U not allowd to Raisor sombody in the showa cos that privat, but u can wen they gettin owt or in.
Ther no limit to the siyz of towel. But ur Raisor as gotta be a towel. No usin cables or chain or razorwire.
Afta ur battle u gotta inspect all the wounds an ooeva as the best welt wins!

Tips on Raisin Kids
Always attak first!
Try to use the longest towel u can handle in large areas cos it is devastatin at long distances, speshlee if u damn gud at it.
Use a small towel in close qwuarta combat cos it qwika an easier to andle.
If u do hit somebody in the willy be very apologetic an show lowds of sympathy cos they likelee to be cryin wen the shok wears off.
Keep well away from anybody oos name starts wiv an A, cos they always bloodee gud at it an u likelee to get some well red welts all ova ur pink bod.

An that is it! The Art of Raisin Kids. U can Raise adults, but in my experience they ave no longa got the nerv or the will to do battle that kids av. In my experienc leev adults well alown as u r liklee to die qwite qwiklee cos eeva they not fink it funny ~ for example Dad, in wich case u up for a sound hidin ~ or they av been practisin for 20 years an they a Raisin Master! In wich cays u as gud as ded!